Emails received, good & bad
Reflections welcome but, please, no judgements or criticisms, everybody's opinion regarding their experience is valid
Email The Site Manager if you want anything published in our pages
From
an ex-Yalding girl. I was
really pleased to find this website. I was with Barnardos for all my
formative years & I found the whole experience a negative one. I
was in touch with aftercare a few years back as I wanted to speak out
about the treatment that I felt I received while at Yalding. I was an
extremely 'difficult' child & was always in trouble of some sort
with either the staff or children. I received punishments that were
designed to intimidate you or make you feel bad about yourself. If I
'spoke' after lights out I would be made to sit on the stairs in the
dark for hours. For 'acting in a childish manner' I had to sleep in a
cot, I was about 10 years old. The staff would have favourites &
I definitely wasn't anybody's! The staff would send you to 'coventry'
& incite my peers to do likewise'. At one time I was sent to
coventry for 6 months because I tripped over one of the more popular
girls feet & from then everyone refused to speak to me, & I
found that the staff would actually gloat over this. I wet my bed
& had my nose rubbed in it & all the other children were told
of that fact. I found that they dealt you a cruel blow at
Barnardos on an emotional level. You were never given any
affection, just punishments. In fact I always thought I was there AS
punishment until I received my notes a couple of years ago &
found that it was nothing whatever to do with my 'bad behaviour'. I
was always called a 'thundering child' by the superintendent. He was
a bully, he would think nothing of caning you. I remember once he
threw me across the floor because I didn't know he was speaking to me
when he shouted YOU, COME HERE. Dont get me wrong, I had fun. I
scrumped the best cherries I've ever tasted in my life, &
strawberries!! I raided the larder at night stealing the goodies that
the children should have had but the staff had instead. Despite my
upbringing there I survived like many before me & since, I now
have 2 grown children & 3 grandchildren. Before going to Yalding
I was at Dromore in Sidcup & Barkingside Cambridge cottage,
if anyone out there remembers me. I'll keep looking in at the emails
to see if I know anyone!
Sheila
nee Perrin
Hello
Colin, I've just skimmed down all of the E-mails sent to your site in
the hope that my Dad's name pops out of one of the letters. I don't
know if he was a Barnardo's child but I do know he was sent to an
orphanage in Leeds, Yorkshire at the age of about
8 years with his brother & baby sister in about 1930. Their
mother had died & their father couldn't manage. Their names were Thomas,
Harle, & Pauline STONE. My father died 28 years
ago & I'd like to find his roots when I visit Leeds this year in
September. I live in New Zealand. If anyone can give me some clues as
to where to begin to find any records I would be grateful.
Regards, Marion
Stone
from a Belgian ex-Village carer. Dear Mr.Topley, I was so pleased to find your web site. I worked in the Village from 1969 to 1972. I came from Belgium & really did not know what the Village was; I had a 6 months term & I decided to stay. When I first saw the children & the Village, something marvellous happened to me & I have never forgot. Now I am 55 & still thinking to that wonderful period. I worked in Beehive Cottage, with Mr & Mrs Lewis; then I went to Hope Cottage with Shirley Pignot; I lived in Mossford Lodge too. The Village gave me the push to become a social worker, thanks to the children whom I cared during my 3years stay: Tina, David, Edouard, Jackie, Rosemary, I forgot some names.They gave me so much & I really enjoyed being an "aunty" as we were called at that time. My supervisor was Mr Smith. I met so many interesting people. Unfortunately I had to go back to Belgium in 1972, but my heart is still there. I often go back to London; & one of these days I promised myself to go to the Village. Does anyone remember something about that time ? Please e-mail me if you have something to tell me. rita.rapino
Dear colin, I'm looking for my sister, born about 1945-1950 not really sure. First name not known, surname DODDS. She was born in South Shields, of mixed race. My brother whom I found 37years ago was in Barnardo's so thought she might be but I don't think it would be the same home. Can anyone one help me. from margaret
Hi, Jane Hundleby (The Village Barkingside) would like to contact anyone who remembers her, particularly Anita and Johnathan Ekperigan, Rosie Hickman Peter and Julie Dillingham Patsy Monteith Irene Photi Sure I've got the spelling of surnames wrong but if you knew me it won't matter. Please email me Jane Hundleby
Hiya. Is there anyone out there who went to or was living at barnardos at Yalding, Kent & can remember Jackie, the cook's assistant during 1956-7? My mother was the cook Mrs Tudor & I was Jackie's boyfriend for a while. I think Jackie had been at Barnardo's for some years, I'd been there only for a little while. Jackie was about 16, so was I. I'd be deeply grateful for any information because I've owed her an explanation for the past 50 yrs! Peter Tudor
Hi
Colin, not sure if you can help me or direct me in the right
direction. We are looking for someone by the name of Leanne Patricia
Pugsley(Robinson) that may have been in Dr. Barnardo's Homes in or
around 1948, maybe earlier. I have a letter from the home dated 1948.
Her name may have been changed also. Not sure when exactly she was
born but in 1948 she would have been under the age of 5. If you can
direct me in the right direction that would be great.
Thanks, Tracey
Viens
HI
COLIN, APPRECIATE YOUR WELL WORTH SITE, I'M TRYING TO TRACE
MARK FERGUSON, JOHN TURNER, AT THE HOME IN LEEDS approx 50/60s
THANKS. Peter
Trinidad tel.
01202 741760 mob. 07831 333 737
From
May Stuart: i have no bad memories of DBH & my heart goes out
to those that did; unfortunately the background of
"caregivers" was not checked out & back then corporal
punishment was not frowned on as it is today. i must say a gardner
once tried to hit me but i hit him HARD first & he never tried
again - i always find that if you can stand up for yourself you are
better off than those who cannot; those who could not stand up for
themselves were unfortunately mostly the ones abused. my stay at
Barkingside with my sister (don't remember the cottage or much about
there except that i regularly led "scrumping" raids &
was sent up to the bedroom as punishment while everyone else ate the
apples! Hollins Hall in Yorkshire, & the Princess Margaret's
School (Wakefield House with Miss Dovey: I remember Jean & Joan
Ware, Fatima Suleiman, now Tina Bareham - i'm sure i shall find
her book very interesting, Marian Swarels?, Julia Dibbs, the triplets
Mary, Yvonne, & Barbara, & a Joyce who went to the Grange
School in a taxi to Woodford Green with me to learn shorthand &
typing, were all good healthy experiences. Living at Ellesmere House
hostel was an excellent transitional environment between DBH &
the "outside". Georgina Lisher from Hollins Hall, Joyce,
& the triplets from PMS were there too.
Since
Hollins Hall was a home for disabled children & my sister was
not disabled, she was placed in the nearest home to me so we could
stay in touch. i do know though that she did not have as good
an experience as i did in DBH but she is shy & i'm not, her
houseparents were old fashioned & our matron was not.
although
i did not know it at the time as aftercare, this was a strange
experience - i did not know that DBH was legally my guardian until I
was 18 & read it when i received my DBH file (i couldn't
understand why this very nice lady kept asking me how i was getting
along! when she asked if i needed her help in finding a job &
somewhere to live, i thought she was just being kind!) she found me
lodgings with people who although well-meaning, were totally unsuited
to me; i soon found an office colleague at ICI to share a flat with
& when she married i emigrated to the USA & have a super
life; i worked at the international monetary fund & traveled the world.
i
find in general that most DBH staff i had contact with had no
knowledge of how to bring up children & most certainly did not
know how to deal with boyfriends nor how to handle sexual queries -
seemed to send them to another wavelength! i always knew more than
they did from reading books.
i
hope nowadays that DBH arrange for the "graduating"
children to rent council flats & help them establish themselves
in the work & home environments. i do respect Barnardo's
not giving out personal information about anyone who mandates their
information NOT be given out (that is each individual's privilege)
& they have their reasons (probably to some extent shame &
the memories could be painful to them too)
perhaps
some things are better off not knowing. i KNOW i was better off
being in dr.b's than in the slums of Newcastle. today nobody thinks
twice about having children out of wedlock & they are given
houses, furniture, job training, etc. if only our parents had
had those opportunities we might have been able to stay together as
families (i did go to visit my "family"; i know myself very
well & i would not have stayed in Newcastle that's for sure).
hopefully nowadays caregivers are given psychology/parenting training
& can deal with any & all questions or know who to turn to
for assistance.
to
those of you who had bad experiences, remember, you did nothing
wrong. as long as you were not repeating the horrible behaviour they
were doing to you (torturing, abusing, & beating children), being
"naughty" is part of being a child; all children at some
point can be violent until they learn to control their emotions. you
ARE a worthy person - if your caregivers were so horrible it is they
who had a problem, not you, & it is very unfortunate that nobody
held them responsible for their actions. if they are still alive, you
confront them - send them a letter (or send it to the newspapers)
saying how bad they treated you & how nasty they were, & that
you are doing fine inspite of them, thank you! hopefully it will make
them feel bad but even if it doesn't, it will make you feel better,
do this for yourself.
there
are many such horrible stories from those who had families, they
were not in DBH care, such crimes occur all the time all over the
world. i have friends who went to boarding schools all over the UK
& they all have the same awful stories to tell.
"do
unto others as you would have them do unto you" (from "The
Waterbabies") has always been my motto & it has worked well
for me.
If
anyone wants to get in touch & e-mail me I will be delighted to
hear from them. May Stuart
1st email
of 2: I
have been trying to have access to my husband's records for
years. Barnardos keep saying that they must have his permission
- the fact that he died when he was 37 is of no consequence to
them! The fact that I, as his widow, mother of his two
daughters, & legally appointed to control his `estate', means
nothing to them! They insist that they must have his
permission! Thought you'd like to know this. Gives me
reason to think they have something to hide??? Mrs.
Cashmore
2nd email:
His name was Martin Cashmore, & his DOB was 29 July 1945. As I
understand it Martin was sent to Barkingside when he was 6 years
old. A few years later his younger brother arrived at
Barkingside. Martin said that he had to ask DBH whether the new
intake could be related as Cashmore is a fairly uncommon name down
south. It was confirmed they were brothers. The rest of
their siblings, who were also put into homes, remained nearer to
their mother in the R*****y R***s area. Why these two were
separated from the remaining brothers & sisters is still
unclear. I'm sure access to my husband's records would throw
some light onto this. For anyone who knew Martin, he unfortunately
died at the young age of 37 from cancer. He left, not only
myself of course, but two young daughters. He also left his in-laws
who provided the love he sadly missed out on as a growing child &
young adult. After his death, I met with someone from DBH who told me
things, silly little things really, about Martin that he never
knew. His religion, for instance. It upset me very much
to think that I knew more about his personal details than he did
himself. It wasn't until we married & I sent for a full
birth certificate that he actually found out his father's name - that
he actually did have a father. DBH were convinced they told him
all this information but that Martin `must have forgotten'. I am
adamant that he wouldn't have forgotten. He simply wasn't like
that. He kept the few photos he had of his mother, for
instance, & when we used to talk about it he said he really
didn't know any more than what he had told me. I believed him
then & still believe that. He wasn't one to block things
out like that. I'm convinced he wasn't told in the first
place. Whoever it was I saw from DBH after Martin's death gave
me two photos from his file - one on his admission into DBH & one
on his leaving. If Martin were actually given these himself,
then he would have kept them for sure. He never saw them.
They were never given to him.
Some years
later we managed to find the long lost siblings (who really didn't
want to know). His mother had sadly died 3 years before
this. I tried to contact one of his brothers again after Martin
died, just to let the family know, but the telephone number was
unobtainable & I haven't made further searches since.
Apart from
Martin being my husband & apart from being the mother of his two
children, I have no rights (nor his children for that matter) in
accessing his file. If I needed to know anything regarding a
possible genetic illness, etc, then they would consider looking
through his records & giving me any (possible) relevant
information. I think that's what is called `Playing God', isn't
it? DB said that (and this was before the Data Protection Act
came into being) the reason they will not allow access without
Martin's permission (!!) is to protect any relatives that may still
be alive. If the relatives cared now they should have cared all
those years ago when approx 6 children were taken into care, not only
taken into care but separated from each other. I would prefer it if
you could edit this for your website, Colin. I won't name my
children & I won't name Martin's younger brother, whom I'm still
in touch with. Please do not print my Christian name either. I
look forward to hearing from you. Mrs.
Cashmore
Hi. I know you are dealing with the more modern times of the Barnardo's but I tend to agree with your views on releasing records regarding children in care. My point in writing this to you is that over the last few years I have been trying to trace and contact my late grandfathers first cousin who went to Canada through the Barnardo scheme, I always seemed to many steps behind, I have just been informed that the lady in question has just passed away at the wonderful age of 100, sadly I never had that chance of contacting her due to the failure of Barnardo's to release any information because I was not a "close" relative. I am now led to believe that there is a possibility that she may have had two sisters also sent from England as well, what a mammoth task I face trying to possibly find them. Keep up the good work. Carol Jackson (Bowpitt)
Hi, my name's Linda. I was in Dr Barnados from 1953-1956 in Barkingside. I agree with everyone else about the abuse and the appalling treatment. It is something I will never forget, sexual abuse at the age of three. I would like to gain access to my file, can anyone help with information how to go about it. Please e.mail me with any info. Linda
Hello
Colin, my name is Jennifer Laws. I was in the Village Barkingside in
the 60's & would like to get letters from any one who remembers
me please. I was in Ivy cottage, Salem, Francis Reckitt & a few
others. I went out with Barry Foot who was in the Village; I remember
Paul
his brother & his sister, we all used to go round with each
other. Sadly Paul died. Also Duncan Mcpherson and his brother
& also Jeanette
If any one
wants to contact me plse write to me at or email me: Jennifer
Laws, 22 Tant
avenue, Canning Town, London E16 1JF; tel 07766034546 & 02075114249
Thank you,
from Jennifer
Hi there, have been trying to trace a very old friend of mine called Mark David Hedges who was in care at Woodfordbridge in 82-84; we sadly lost touch but never a day has gone by when I haven't wondered how he was & hope that he is well and enjoying life today my name is Samantha Reynolds I really hope you can help me, many thanks
Hi Colin, Excellent site. I'm trying to find out info for my mother. My mum was called Elizabeth Stewart and she was sent to DBH in Barkingside around 1942 along with her brother Harry. They had bent sent to Barkingside from Dumfries along with their half brother and sister Margaret and Charles Stewart (twins who were only aged two at the time). My mother has recently decided to try and found out what happened to the twins as once they were taken away from Barkingside she never saw them again. If their is anybody out there that was at Barkingside or Stepney Causeway (mum spent some time there too) circa 1942 who either remembers my mum or knows the whereabouts of the twins (who will be in their late 60's now) I would be grateful if they could mail me. Thanks for your help and good luck with the site you clearly are bringing back a lot of memories for people (just wish they were all good ones instead of traumatic times for people so young). Regards Jim McNaught
Hi there, I am
seeking to connect with a few ex Barnardos people who lived in The
Village,
Barkingside, Essex. Its been some years now but I am hopeful someone
will come forward.
Between 1956 - 1971:
Jane
Hundlebee Cindy
Abdi Brenda
Redgrave Vincent (last name?)
John
Macdougal Miss Iris ( One of the Caregivers)
Anyone
who remembers those long days and nights in Barnardos, Barkingside.
Sandy Marshall
Hi Colin, Great site i thought you would be interested in my plight with barnardos i was first in barrows green kendal, one could not wish for a better home with the wonderfull staff they had,when at 15 i was to be moved from kendal i the lakes down to L***s city,you could guess what shock that was going to have on me..i was very small child & i would say very vunderable,i ran away a few times to get back to kendal ,but was to be taken back each time..well at one time i was sexually assulted by the superintendant at L***s..i ran away again to a safe place which was barrows green,and told the superintedant what happened,and it was reported to the police stright away,who still have documents relating to the investigation,which was "did you do that mr.v.? and to the children did you see anything.of course i was not believed by barnardos or the police... i have carried this all my life and it came up again when i went to view my records..so i have to start reliving all that horrible time again...but since the investigation and littigation has been going on my solicitor asked me for some reason to get in touch with the police in L***s,when they phoned me,my answer phone kicked in and the police told me that they had a phone call from M***** R****** to investigate four others who i did not know who had complained about either phycical or sexual assults by the same person at L***s,they even gave me the names of these four children,also stated "theres no doubt that barnardos dont believe you with that many people coming forward but what can we do now.my view is they can do something about it but they are waiting as long as possible hopeing that some of us will die ,or just give up and they will never will have to face action fo which they are responsible for..if you would like to get in touch with me anytime my no is 01202-741760 again thanks for a great web site and you can put this letter on if you wish best regards Peter Duffin
Hullo
Folks, Can you please help find/trace two people that I knew in KENT
IN THE LATE 1960’S. The first in time order was then called
IMOGEN KETT with a history in child care, last heard of as
matron at coral day nursery in the early 70’s. Probably married
with a family and possibly living in South LONDON.
The second
was YVONNE Butcher from Maidstone in Kent, last heard of working for
KEF electronics but since left there and they claim not to know of
her whereabouts. Also no doubt married but would be nice to
communicate with her and find out what’s happened in the last 30
plus years.
My e
mail; peterveazey@YAHOO.COM
Great web site, very informative. My Mother Mary Jane Brown (dob 10/02/49) was at Barkingside 1952 - 1965, along with her sisters Rita, Marjorie and brother John. I believe they were the first family to go to Barnardos and be allowed to stay together. Mum and Rita have mainly good memories of Daisy cottage and Dr Truell's but they were very well behaved, too frightened to be naughty.My uncle John and Aunt Marjorie however have different memories as they were not at all well behaved and were punished harshly. I don't think any of them consider that theywere deprived of material items (they had more than they would have had from their parents), but Mum feels she was very deprived of love. Mum would be fascinated to hear from anybody remembers her. She remembers being in a magazine article(advert?) poss The Lady or something similar and is trying to findcopy of this. Two youngest ( Marjorie & John were featured on posters for Barnardos in approx 1954) with two other children, would like to know who. Keep up the good work, Sarah Waldron